Monday, December 27, 2010

I Am My Own Queen

I don't understand why my silly sister wants to spend Christmas with "family". I have no idea why she wants to suffer days and days of sitting idly together with "family", doing nothing but eating and watching TV. What's so fun about having others prepare your meals for you and make you feel useless? What's so fun about surrendering the control over your holiday plans to "family"?

I do not understand her. For me, there are only a handful of people in my "family" that I would actually want to sit together with and have a cup of tea.

My sister though? She is a fan of extended holiday trips.. long, long hours at their houses, pretending to laugh at every silly little detail of their superficial, moronic lives. She is not superficial herself, at least most of the times she is not. But she's not bothered by wasting her time among superficial people either. What's up with that?!

I guess I'm just getting so used to spending time alone.. I guess I'm not able to deal with meaningless people in my life anymore.. I don't care about the small talk I have to make with you.. I don't care about you, why should I? We have nothing in common. This living in exile has made me a loner. I don't enjoy company of the people anymore. The number of my friends drops every day. I feel like I will never be able to "happily" live in the same house with other people again. I'm so used to being alone and it's nice. But disaster arrives when other people want me to mingle.

I guess I'm just not ready to give up being the only queen of my own apartment.

I wrote this to remind myself that I prefer the day-to-day life I have: waking up early, going to interesting and challenging classes, thinking about my life: what will become of me, what will I become, what, what?

That's the kind of life that I enjoy. And I do not regret a second of it and I've never wished I could instead be living under the same roof with my parents and their endless meddling. I'm not a family person. I'm just simply NOT. And I will never understand what my sister is always complaining about, why she is always wishing to live with "family", to have less to study, to be less challenged..


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